


Force Feeding

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Whouffaldi Week 2016 [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Doctor Who (2005), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Food Fights, Rey - Freeform, Whouffaldi Week 2016, and leo, and nobody can tell me different, both of whom are the children of twelve and clara, but it's awkward come mealtime, clara just wants to relax, featuring the hybrid twins, force battles, raising the hybrids is hard, the entire hybrid family is force-sensitive, the hybrid baby wastebasket, we interrupt our regularly scheduled whouffladi to bring you, which can be a good thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-29 01:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6354010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara gets back from a spa day to find that the Doctor and the twins have had an....interesting time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's a Funny Story, Actually...

**Author's Note:**

> Day Five - [March 25]: ‘i regret nothing’, baby food, birds.

Clara waved as the diner disappeared before turning to the blue police box parked on the other side of the hanger.  She loved the Doctor and the kids, but it was always nice to have Girls’ Day with Me and Jane.  They’d found out when they first started meeting for Girls’ Day that Jane and Me had met before, though Me didn’t remember.  That didn’t stop them from being friends now, and Me was usually the one to pick Jane up from the Nineteenth Century.  Clara suspected it was mostly because she loved flying her TARDIS and looked for any excuse to make a trip.

This time around they’d gone to a spa on the planet Midnight, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so relaxed.  They’d talked about what was new with their lives – Jane was working on a new book (Clara was pretty sure it was Persuasion), Me had helped stage an uprising on the planet Ithmari, and Clara shared some of the more dramatic adventures of traveling with the Doctor and the twins.  She giggled again at the memory of the look on the Doctor’s face when she suggested he take the twins on one of the planet tours.  It sounded like something he would love, but instead his eyebrows twitched uncontrollably and he looked more like an owl than ever.  He muttered something about annoying tourists and pulled the twins back into the TARDIS, insisting that they would be able to find something else to keep themselves amused.

She let herself into the TARDIS, closing the door and leaning against it with a happy sigh.  It was good to be home.

That feeling lasted the approximately 4.8 seconds it took her to register the state of the console room, and by then it was too late to run back and see if she could catch Me and Jane before they left – which really wouldn’t work since she just watched them dematerialize, but she felt she could be forgiven for not thinking rationally at the moment.  Instead, she squared her shoulders and raised her chin.  She was the Impossible Girl, the Companion and Wife of the Doctor, and the Mother of the Hybrid.  More importantly, she was a _schoolteacher._   She didn’t do intimidated.  She did _boss._

She picked her was carefully across the floor.  There was baby food _everywhere_ – on the floor, the walls, the console, even the ceiling.  She winced and patted the railing sympathetically.  The TARDIS couldn’t be happy about this.  Cooing drew her attention to the balcony railing, where a row of seventeen pigeons, eight blackbirds, four sparrows, two owls – one of which looked _just_ like the Doctor - and an albatross perched, watching her.  It gave her uncomfortable flashbacks to watching the Birds as a little girl, not to mention dying at the hands – well, claws – of a raven-like creature.  Not the sort of thing that encourages warm fluffy feelings for birds, that’s for sure.

She caught sight of a pair of boots attached to long legs covered in plaid trousers sticking out from under the console.  She couldn’t help laughing at the sight of her space husband, unconscious on the floor of the TARDIS, with Rey and Leo sprawled on top of his snoring chest.  All three were as covered in baby food as their surroundings, but they had matching expressions of peaceful contentment on their faces.  Clara felt her heart swell at the sight of them.  It was something she’d all but given up hope on, and she was grateful every day for her impossible family.  A wave of fierce love swept over her, and she shook her head fondly.  They looked so adorable she almost hated to wake them.  But the TARDIS wasn’t going to clean herself – well, she probably _could_ , but how would anyone learn anything then? – and Clara _wasn’t_ going to be the one on clean-up duty.

Assuming her Stern Teacher face, she nudged the Doctor gently in the ribs with her toe.  He grunted and squirmed away, arms tightening around Rey and Leo.  She poked him again, and he mumbled ‘Come on, kids.  We need to clean up before Mummy comes home.’

‘I’d be interested in watching that.’

His eyes shot open, darting wildly around the disaster area formerly known as the console room before landing on Clara, standing over him with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.  ‘Clara!’ he squawked.  He sat up in a rush, but obviously he didn’t remember where he was, because he banged his head on the underside of the console and flopped back to the floor with a pained groan.  The sudden movement woke the twins, who each cracked an eye open and looked at each other across their father’s chest.  Clara was pretty sure they were holding a telepathic conversation, because after a minute they both began to howl.  In harmony.  Her kids were pretty amazing.

‘Oh come here, you two.  You’re all right.’  She scooped up the wailing hybrids and cuddled them to her chest.  Their sobs tapered off almost instantly as they snuggled in her arms.  ‘There you go.  It’s not so bad, is it?  No it isn’t.’  She turned her attention to the Doctor, who was using the console to pull himself to his feet.  ‘So.  Do I even want to know?’

‘Oh.  Well.  There’s really not that much to tell.’  He attempted to casually fluff his hair, but pulled his hands away in disgust when they encountered baby food.

Clara bit her lip, kissing first Rey's dark hair and then Leo's curly head to hide her grin.  ‘Isn’t there?’

‘Really!’  He clasped his hands in front of his chest, elbows sticking out, the way he did when he was nervous.  ‘We were just having lunch.  Leo was a little fussy, which upset Rey – you know how she is.’  Clara nodded.  Rey was exactly twelve minutes older than Leo, and very protective.  Anything that bothered Leo bothered Rey, and she wouldn’t be happy until he was okay again.

‘I’m with you so far.’

‘So neither one of them wanted to eat, and both of them were getting more and more worked up, so I....used the Force.’

‘You what?’

‘I used the Force to levitate the baby food.  It worked, too!’  He started flapping his hands like an excited owl.  The birds on the railing rustled sympathetically.  ‘The both stopped fussing and watched the spoon.  Leo started giggling, which made Rey laugh, too.  And Clara!  _Rey took the spoon!’_

She blinked.  ‘That’s….good?’

‘No, not with her hand – with the Force!  She took the spoon and made it fly around the console room!’

She desperately wanted to cross her arms, but they were full of her hybrid children, so she settled for raising her eyebrows.  ‘You’re trying to tell me Rey made this entire mess by levitating a spoonful of baby food?’

‘Ah.  No.  Not exactly.’  He lifted one shoulder.  ‘Leo liked what Rey was doing, so he grabbed the spoon.  They kind of….fought….over it, and it, uh,’ he trailed off into incoherent mumbling.

‘Sorry, what?’

‘ithitmerightintheface.’

‘What?’

_‘It hit me right in the face!’_

She stared at him.  Now that he’d mentioned it, she could see dried baby food on his nose.  She burst out laughing.

He glared at her.  ‘I’m glad you think it’s funny.’

‘Okay, so they attacked you with’ _snicker_ ‘baby food.  What did you do, dump it all over them?’

He drew himself up, offended.  ‘What kind of dad do you think I am?’

She cast a pointed look around the console room before returning her gaze to him.

He grunted.  ‘Yes.  Well.  _No,_ I _didn’t_ dump baby food all over our children.  But they both thought it was so funny that they started attacking me, so I had to defend myself, and it, uh, went downhill from there.’

‘Three-way food fight?’

He hung his head.  ‘Three-way food fight,’ he agreed sheepishly.

One of the owls hooted, reminding her of their avian audience.  ‘And the birds?’

‘One of the twins – I think it was Leo – called about half of them in.  For aerial support, of course.’

‘Of course.’

‘And then Rey called in more, to combat her brother’s squadron.’

‘Naturally.’

‘So I sent out my own call.  And got the albatross.’

‘That sounds about right.’

He spread his hands.  ‘Between the birds carrying baby food bombs and Force attacks, we got carried away.’

‘That’s one way of putting it.’  She laughed and leaned up to kiss him.  Since her arms were full of sleepy hybrids and she couldn’t pull him down like she normally did, he obligingly bent to meet her.  ‘I’m glad you had fun today,’ she murmured against his lips.  She felt him smile, and added, ‘Now I’m going to give the twins a bath and put them to bed.  You can clean up the console room.’

He pulled back, pouting.  ‘But Clara-’

She shook her head.  ‘No buts.  It’s the least you can do for the TARDIS, after you got her into this state to begin with.’  The TARDIS hummed in agreement.  Clara chuckled.  ‘See?’  She started down the corridor to the bathroom.  ‘Get your feathered friends to help you,’ she called over her shoulder.

* * *

 

The Doctor surveyed the console room, head cocked to the side.  The owl hooted again, and he met the bird’s eye.  ‘Let’s see.  Made a mess.  Made a really big mess.  Played with my children.  Discovered they‘re Force-sensitive.’  He smiled widely, showing off his teeth.

‘I regret nothing.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Hybrid Day!  
> With a prompt like that, of course we of the wastebasket would go nuts. Welcome the newest member of our happy Hybrid Family, Rey! Because that girl deserves a family, and what better family than Clara Twelve and Leo?


	2. A Long Time Ago...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The War of the Hybrids breaks out in the TARDIS

The Doctor waved at Clara as she headed toward the spa before shutting the door and carrying the twins through the TARDIS.  ‘Well kids, what should we do while Mummy’s having Girls’ Day?’

Rey gurgled.

‘I know the tour sounded like fun, but trust me – it’s false advertising.  Absolutely worst trip of my life, _including_ the time your mother sent me for coffee in Glasgow and I ended up getting kidnapped by pirates and chosen to become their new captain.’

Leo chirped inquiringly.

‘No, I don’t know why there were pirates in Glasgow.  It’s nowhere near the ocean, and you’d think they’d have trouble getting a pirate ship up the River Clyde without being seen.’  Rey cooed, and he shrugged, bouncing the twins until they giggled.  ‘Well, don’t tell your mum, but I don’t actually know.  They, ah, knocked me out, and I didn’t wake up until we were already at sea.’  The twins blinked at him in hybrid judgement, and he raised a bushy eyebrow.  ‘I’d like to see either of _you_ do better in a kidnapping situation.’  He thought about it for a minute.  ‘Actually no, I wouldn’t.  Neither one of you are ever allowed to be kidnapped.  I forbid it.  Now.  We’re not going on the tour, and nobody’s getting kidnapped.  What do you want to do instead?’

Leo babbled a suggestion, which the Doctor considered gravely.

‘Well, it’s a little early for lunch, but I suppose it couldn’t hurt.  To the kitchen!’  He ran down the corridor, the twins tucked under his arms while he made TARDIS noises.  Rey and Leo loved it when he played TARIDS with them.  In the kitchen, he settled the hybrids in their matching highchairs and began rooting through the cupboards, examining their options.  ‘So kids, what do you think?  We’ve got Mixed Carrots, Green Beans, Pear Zucchini Corn, Garden Vegetable and Beef Dinner, Chicken…Itty-bitty…Noodle…Dinner…Seriously?  Who comes up with the names for these things?’  Rey sneezed.  ‘You’re right, they do sound scary.  But your mum picked them out, and you know she would never try to poison you.’  He paused thoughtfully.  ‘Unless of course she was replaced by a Zygon or something.  But don’t worry – I’d be able to tell, and I can assure you that Mummy has definitely not been replaced by a Zygon.  Just forget I brought it up.  So, how about applesauce?’

Leo began chirruping excitedly, waving his chubby arms and bouncing in his seat.

The Doctor shook his head.  ‘Leo, you can’t have a prosciutto with buffalo mozzarella and just a hint of pesto aioli sandwich.’  Leo grunted.  ‘Yes, I know it sounds delicious, but you’re not old enough to eat food like that yet.  Where did you even hear about it, anyway?’

Rey looked at her brother, who was starting to turn red with displeasure.  She clucked at him soothingly.

‘Rey!  Stop calling me Not-Mum.  You know very well I’m your dad.  Honestly, I expected better from my own children.’  She frowned at him and chirped.  ‘No, I’m _not_ your Space Dad.  You’ve picked up some bad habits from you mother.’  He pulled out the applesauce, offering a spoonful to Leo, who scrunched up his face and turned his head away.  Rey, seeing her brother was upset, began to whimper.  The Doctor looked back and forth between his children.  It was only a matter of time before they both began howling, and he didn’t want to face Clara’s displeasure should she come back to heartbroken hybrids.  He closed his eyes and cleared his mind – not an easy feat, considering everything that was going on in his mind all the time – and opened himself to the Force, using it to surround the spoon and lift it into the air.  The kitchen went completely silent, and he opened his eyes to see Rey and Leo staring in awe at the spoon, which was rotating slowly in the air above his palm.  He grinned.  ‘Still got it.’

He began floating the spoon around the kitchen, making it dance and do loops while the twins shrieked with joy.  Their enthusiasm was infectious, and he couldn’t help laughing with them.  His laughter choked off in a surprised grunt when he felt the spoon tug out of his grip to go flying across the room, bouncing off the walls and the cabinets.  His gaze snapped to the twins, and he caught a look of fierce concentration on Rey’s face as she tracked the movement of the spoon.

‘Rey!  You can use the Force!’  She gurgled an affirmative, and he had to duck as the spoon went flying over his head and careened out the door into the corridor.  ‘Uh, better let me get that.’  He left the hybrids in their highchairs and ran after the spoon.  It made it all the way to the console room before he caught up with it.  Rey’s skills were impressive.  It took an embarrassingly long time for him to regain control of the spoon, but he finally managed to wrest it from his daughter’s untrained grip.  He turned, prepared to returned to the kitchen in triumph, only to be met with the twins, floating into the console room, surrounded by the jars of baby food.

He blinked.  ‘Well, this was unexpected.’

As near as he could tell, Rey was levitating Leo, Leo was levitating Rey, and they were each levitating roughly half of the baby food apiece.  They were giggling like crazy, bobbing through the air, the jars of baby food slowly orbiting like tiny, brightly-coloured moons around them.  He grinned, wide and toothy.  ‘Leo!  You’re Force-sensitive too!’  Leo gave him a look that said _well, obviously_.  ‘None of your cheek, young man.  I’m proud of you, and you know it.  Your mum will be proud, too.’  He considered them a moment.  ‘And with that in mind, we should probably go back to the kitchen and finish lunch before she gets back.’  Rey took advantage of his distraction to take control of the spoon again.  He rolled his eyes, reaching with the Force to take back the spoon, but it danced out of his grasp.  Behind him, Rey giggled.  ‘Rey.  You need to give me back the spoon now.’  Leo’s giggles mixed with his sister’s.  The Doctor took another swipe at it.  ‘Seriously.  Give me the spoon.’  It zoomed toward him, circling his head, always just a _little_ too fast for him to grab it.  ‘Rey.’  _Swish._   _‘Rey.’  Swish._ ‘Rey-’  _Splat._   The spoon, remarkably still full of applesauce, beaned him on the nose.  He wasn’t sure if it was an accident or not, but based on the hysterical reaction of his offspring, he was willing to bet _not._

He attempted to wipe applesauce off his nose, but merely only succeeded in smearing it all over his face.  The twins shrieked in delight.  ‘Yes, yes.  Funny.  Yes, very funny.  Dad’s wearing food.  Hilarious.  Okay, really-’ he didn’t get any farther.  A large glob a baby food hit him in the face.  Slowly, he licked his lips.  ‘Chicken itty-bitty noodle dinner.  Yeah, I’d rather have the prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella with a hint of pesto aioli too.’  His eyes widened.  ‘Wait a minute, how did you open that?  You shouldn’t have that kind of coordination yet.’  His only answer was another itty-bitty noodle missile.  ‘Okay, obviously not important right now.  But you’re going to regret this.  I’m the Doctor.  I’m over four billion years old.  I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous.  I am Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness, and most importantly-’ he stretched out his hand, and a jar flew across the console room.  ‘I am your father!’  He glanced at the label of his prize.  ‘Pear zucchini corn?  Blegh.  Pears are disgusting.  They’re too squishy.  But they’re perfect for ammunition!’  He twisted the lid off and hurled the contents at the twins, spattering them equally.  The shock of their father assaulting them with baby food broke their concentration, and they plummeted to the floor.  Just before they splatted all over the console room floor – Clara would never forgive him if he was responsible for the death or regeneration of their children, especially after he’d assured her repeatedly that the three of them would be fine – he caught them with the Force and lowered them gently the final inch to the ground.

If he’d hoped that would signal the end of the food fight, he was sadly mistaken.  It took them roughly 1.2 seconds to process their near-regeneration experience before they launched a fresh volley of baby food at their father.  The battle raged around the console room, baby food flying dizzily through the air until the room looked like it had been attacked by a slime frog. 

Between the three of them they were evenly matched.  That is, until Leo got a distant look on his face.  The Doctor barely had time to wonder what he was up to before the TARDIS doors opened and a small flock of mixed birds flew in.  While the Doctor and Rey stared in shock, Leo released a surprisingly evil laugh and supplied the birds with ammunition before sending them on the offensive.  The Doctor dove under the console for cover.  Rey let out an angry squeal, and a _second_ flock flew in, led by an owl with a truly impressive set of eyebrows.

‘How did you even get the door open?!’  the twins ignored him, too busy giving instructions to their avian squadrons.  As he was repeatedly dive-bombed by baby food equipped birds, he realized that he needed his own reinforcements.  Concentrating, he sent out his own call through the Force and turned to watch the entrance of his feathered allies.

A single, molting albatross limped through the door.

‘Seriously?’

The battle raged all around the room, the twins’ screeches mixing with the birds’ calls and the Doctor’s exclamations.  Eventually he caught Rey and Leo, tucking them under either arm and collapsing with them on the floor under the console.  ‘Okay, let’s just rest a minute.’  He leaned back, shifting the twins to his chest.  ‘Take a breather.’  Rey yawned, and Leo blinked slowly.  ‘Just for a minute.’  The Doctor’s eyes drifted shut.  ‘Then we need to get this cleaned up before your mother gets back…’

The console room was quite, save for the soft hum of the TARDIS, the faint rustling of feathers, and the snores of the hybrid twins and their father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I wanted to actually write out the food fight, because I was pretty sure Twelve left a lot out. Man, it takes a lot longer to write these things when I don't have a deadline...
> 
> I googled baby food flavours. They're all real.


End file.
